the start of something

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Change, much like death and taxes, can be quick and painless or long, drawn-out and overly dramatic. I’ve been puttering away at this new little blog for a while, trying to figure out what it should be. Writing, at its very core, is a highly fickle (much like myself) endeavour, so I finally asked myself, why be so particular? The following are excerpts of some of the first posts (some fragmented, most unfinished) I wrote here because I’ve decided that this blog is going to be as real as my home is when you drop by unannounced — somewhat messy, always comfortable, occasionally relaxed, often wound. Welcome to Mama’s Manuscript.

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In the beginning

Being awake at 12:30 a.m. in a quiet house makes a person do weird things. Not late, you say? It is when there is a three-year-old and a one-year-old within a few steps of this quiet couch and their early version of morning is creeping nearer.

Life is simple and complicated. Some days are blissful. Lots are. Other times, twitchy internal struggle. The insomnia I’m feeling right now may be a reflection of where today leans.

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The difference a day makes

There’s nothing quite like the satisfaction of looking back on a weekend day well spent. Today was a relaxing blend of family togetherness and productive alone time. It really recharged my mental battery (not that you could tell by the fact that I’m immovably horizontal on the couch at 8:02 p.m. on a Saturday night).

So many factors can dictate a day’s outcome. Rest is a big part of that. And after a week of coughing and barely sleeping, last night’s eight hours really (really) helped. Mood (and everyone else’s mood). For me, productivity is a big one. Was it fulfilling? Being with the kids is usually enough, but when they’re off their games, so am I. It’s amazing how one person’s crankiness or bad behaviour can really poison the group.

Reading that back, I’m kind of forgetting if I’m talking about my home or my work. Not so different in that they are both a blend of personalities. And in both instances, I am very susceptible to letting other’s attitudes affect me.

Today, the kids were great and, in turn, I felt great. We laughed and danced. They were polite and appreciative and attentive, so I was all of those things in return. It’s not a tit for tat thing, it just happens naturally.

As does negativity. Yesterday in the office, many people were on edge, and I let my fatigue take over and fell down that rabbit hole in a big way. To the point that when I got home, I was emotionally exhausted — and still very much mentally at work.

What a merry-go-round that is. Because you know what happens next. My state impacted my family, directly and indirectly.

New goal: home at home, work at work. Be engaged in the right things at the right times for sanity and happiness.

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Get it out

I write, read and edit professionally, so it is natural to me express myself that way personally. Sometimes it’s just easier to put thoughts on paper than think them in your head or say them out loud. I usually find it a much simpler way to articulate myself.

I’ve missed blogging for myself. I write a lot for work, which includes a twice-weekly blog, but there’s plenty you can’t say when readership comes into play. I need to edit my grammar and censor my language. I have to write on a given topic and although I am fortunate to enjoy a lot of creative freedom in my professional life, there’s something to be said about having a nook to stash all the words that bang around in my head all day long, every single day.

I can ask Husband what he’s thinking, and he can actually, honestly, really say “Nothing.” He’s not even joking a little bit. I don’t think I have ever thought “nothing” in my entire life. I’m fairly confident I made mental lists in the womb.

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So, here it is. The start of something. You’re welcome here any time.